Snarcolepsy and the Caffeine Experiment

So I had this brilliant idea to give up caffeine till Easters. I did this not only because of the incredible challenge (I love me some Dew), but as a scientific experiment.

Over the past few years, I have basically concluded that I have narcolepsy. Maybe just a mild case of it or something, if that's possible. I don't pass out from pure excitement, but I do tend to stay away from sharp objects. I guess that's more of a generality. Hm.

Exhibit A: Class notes
This is likely just a demonstration of my sleepiness, but keep in mind the fact that I would usually come to class feeling refreshed and ready to learn. And extra caffeinated.

From cultural studies class

From marketing. Also featuring a brilliant use of irony.

Exhibit B: Things I have slept in and/or through
1. A bowling alley
2. Watching a football game with friends...at a bar
3. Exciting movies in the theater including, but not limited to: The Chronicles of Narnia, 300, most horror films, the last half of Eagle Eye and all three Bournes
4. During a game night/birthday party
5. While eating breakfast
6. Every single time I try to watch Dexter online
(Note-worthy: All of these activities were prefaced or accompanied by caffeine consumption)

The Caffeine Shift
Since dropping the caff, though, my narcoleptic tendencies have dissipated and transformed into other weird things. Over the past month, I've been having extreme sleep talk + walk sessions with myself in the night. This has included me shouting lines such as "YOU DESIGNED IT WRONG," punch-dancing in my sleep and removing the pictures on my walls.

I've had some really crazy dreamage, too. While I've had significantly less fulfilling sleep off the 'feine, I am surprisingly much less tired in general. I have yet to fall asleep in a loud public setting and the average day is a cake walk to stay awake (exception: breakfast).

What does it all mean?
Consuming caffeine turns me into this, and the absence of it makes me do this in my sleep. It remains to be seen whether or not I will resume consumption on a regular basis. So far I've partaken in a few caff bevs with extra sleepiness as a side-effect. In the meantime, I will continue to be the mostly-decaf version of myself and see what other crazy things my sleeping habits bring out (injury count, copyrighted dance moves, rearranged furniture). I'll keep you posted.

Imaginary fame, FTW

I've recently been fantasizing about what my life would be like if it involved more music and fame and less art. This has consisted of me listening to a lot of hip-hop/techno/other funky nonsense and "break dancing" regularly when nobody's watching. My moves got so intense the other day, I actually ripped a hole in my PJs. No lie.

Because I'm basically famous in my mind, I decided to recruit my high-profile posse. It goes as follows:

Zach Galifianakis (as Kanye West)
I need a guy who can bring both the laughs and the rhymes. Clearly, The Nakis delivers. He's not afraid to make an ass of himself in public, which means he would be hilarious to watch while simultaneously making me look awesome. I would be the straight man next to him. The Abbott, if you will.
(Kanye himself was originally going to make this list, but his fashion sense outshines my own. Sometimes.)

Chef Gordon Ramsay
I don't need an entourage of 7-feet-tall security guards to keep things under control. This guy can handle anything, 'cause he's British and likes to cuss a lot. Plus, he can probably make a gourmet meal out of vending machine food, so that's nice. He'd be like my MacGyver, but better. *Will be replaced with the real MacGyver after calling me filthy names in public.

Pam Beasley
Obviously, I need a celebrity BFF. I don't care if she's a made-up character, she's definitely necessary. She likes artsy stuff and would totally keep my things organized and answer my cell phone when I'm too busy signing autographs. We also share the same level of fashion savvy, so she won't judge me when I refuse to shop for new clothes (unless it's online).

Justin Timberlake
What doesn't this man do? He's responsible for performing/mixing/producing all the CDs that go in my ride. JT will also perform incredible dance solos when I need a diversion in awkward situations. For example: "What's that, officer? I was speeding?" *Justin Timberlake proceeds to distract, I drive away unscathed by the law.*

Ben Franklin, duh

For all my spending needs.

Being famous is my imagination is awesome. I get all these great celebrity buddies, PLUS I get to keep my real friends, too. Who could compete with that?

Incredibad

The past two weeks have (mostly) ruled because of this new Lonely Island album.

I like funny music. A lot. If you don't know about Flight of the Conchords or Tenacious D, we probably can't be friends anymore. REVIEW TIME:

1. Who Said We're Wack? - I kind of skip this song every time I play this album, but it's still dece. I just like to get to track #2.
   
2. Santana DVX (ft.E-40) - I dig champagne, E-40 AND Santana. I'm thankful that this song exists, because I don't think a better combination could have been created in my mind.
   
3. Jizz In My Pants - Killer Euro spoof with some JT-style breakdown. Instant classic...I hope the whole world has heard it by now. I would probably like this song even if it wasn't hilarious.
   
4. I'm On A Boat (ft.T-Pain) - NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE ON A BOAT. This is climbing up on my "Most Played" list on iTunes. Thanks, T-Pain, for making such a hot track. Probably my favorite on the album, actually. Great to breakdance to in studio when nobody's around...I mean, what?
   
5. Sax Man (ft. Jack Black) - I laughed so hard I thought my appendix was going to burst. This is likely because the first time I listened to this was at 4:45 in the morning and I almost ODed on caffeine. But it's still funny now, so that says something.
   
6. Lazy Sunday (ft. Chris Parnell) - This song was the very first video I ever experienced on YouTube. No lie. And I macked on some of those Magnolia cupcakes on my first NYC trip, so this will remain close to my heart fo lyfe.
   
7. Normal Guy - Meh, okay. Weird, but whatever. I've never been one for random interludes.
   
8. Boombox (ft. Julian Casablancas) - I don't know much about the The Strokes, but I instantly like this Julian guy. Smooth vocals. Not sure about the boiled goose lines, but the beat is hot, and that's all that really matters.
   
9. Shrooms - Ahaha...expected. Reminds me of "Cool Beans," for some reason, which probably should have been on this album, too, right?
   
10. Like A Boss - Again, laugh-attack. Copy/pasting the lyrics just wouldn't do this justice. It gets progressively intense (as most of these tracks do), but I find it endearing. Or something like that.
11. We Like Sportz - Obnoxious, which is intentional. So...SUCCESS.
    
12. Dreamgirl (ft. Norah Jones) - I love Norah Jones now. I mean, she was good before, but this just confirms that she has an incredible sense of humor. Chex mix, ftw.
    
13. Ras Trent - YES. Rasta musical collage.
    
14. Dick In A Box (ft. Justin Timberlake) - Forever one of the greatest things ever to come out of SNL/Justin. Besides the jizz in his pants...?
    
15. The Old Saloon (Mix Tape Edit) - The voices they use are great, but this is another skip-a-roo for me. Oh wellz...it is an interlude, after all.
    
16. Punch You In The Jeans - This one's okay. The best part is the title, because I've been incorprating it into everyday conversation (ie: "She did WHAT? I'm gonna punch her in the jeans.").
    
17. Space Olympics - REACH FOR THE STARS. This is a winner!
    
18. Natalie's Rap (ft. Natalie Portman & Chris Parnell) - My second-favorite track on the album, maybe. This girl is HARD. I almost shead a tear...If I were an actress, I'd likely be perceived as a girl-next-door type like this, and then pull one of these stunts. So proud.
    
19. Incredibad - Fresh Prince throwbackish. Interesting title track with a sweet name. It's growing on me. Strange-ass plot line, but that wouldn't be the first weird thing on this album.
    

Overall, I give it an 8/10. It's gotta be better than a 7 considering how many times I've looped it now. If you don't mind vulgarity, humor, sarcasm, creativity and decent music, you should probably give it a download. The only two things that I expected to be on this album were "Cool Beans" and the Blizzard Man track. Here's a video if you haven't clicked on any linkz yet: